Grateful....

We are officially in the market for a job. Man it feels good to be able to say that. After 13 years of marriage it's finally time for Shawn to become fully employed and no longer accountable to any professor or training physician. He'll be in a group where he will be equal to the others in that group (after he proves himself for awhile and shows them his stuff I'm sure). Nice. We've been discussing for the past 3 years where we'd like to live when we finally grow up. Idaho and Utah were kind of given due to the close proximity of family. However, jobs around those parts are scarce. Unless he does a fellowship, which at this time sounds painful to me. One more year of training. Blech. If he truly wanted to do a fellowship I would support his desire, but I can tell he's antsy to not be once again under someones tutelage. So, there are 48 other states to choose from. I told Shawn I was open to anything. With a few exceptions. If I can't live close to family then I need to live close to an airport. I would also like to have a few options as far as shopping goes. Walmart is great, if you choose to go there. I would just like a few more choices. After turning down about 30 places he mentioned where good paying jobs were open, he told me to start looking. I found myself looking only in Washington State. I've always loved it there. I lived there for 8 of my growing up years. Bothell and Moses Lake. Loved them both for different reasons. It wasn't until I started thinking about the possibility of settling there that I kind of got excited. Shawn contacted a few recruiters and set up an interview in Richland, which is part of the Tri-Cities. I used to go to the mall there when I was in High School, so I've been there before. He's also in contact with various recruiters throughout the entire state. A few in Central Wa, and some in SW Wa. I'm so excited at the prospect of going back there. That is, if we even end up in that state. Anything is possible at this point. The truly crazy thing? Katherine and Bobby agreed to come watch 4 of our 5 kids for a few days so I can travel with Shawn to Richland. They are so awesome to do this for us. I'm so grateful to have a friend like Katherine. Let's just hope she is still my friend when we return....

Going Solo....

Friday the kids were out of school due to parent teacher conferences. I decided instead of sitting around all day we'd head to Columbia to go to Bonkers. It's 1 1/2 hours away. I guess I've adjusted to this whole new baby in the house thing because the thought of traveling that far with 5 kids didn't seem to phase me. We met some friends in Bonkers and played for awhile. The kids got hungry and we decided to leave for lunch. My kids are obviously children of a resident because when I asked where we should eat the response was "Sam's Club!" It was unanimous. Funny. Can't beat 3 pieces of pizza, 3 pretzels, one hot dog, and 2 drinks all for 11 bucks. My kids are awesome. We picked up a new computer in Sam's. Our old one is doing all kinds of funky things since we started letting our kids use it. This one is for mom & dad only. The box was ginormous and could only go in the front seat because we are officially full to capacity now. Shawn called while we were in Sam's to let me know he locked his keys in his car. His other set was with me in the van. That was 1:45. I checked out, drove to the mall, went to Target, then to the play place to feed Presley, changed 2 diapers, 3 kids went to the bathroom, and we headed back for home all by 3:30. Pretty impressive if you ask me. The computer up front made for an interesting drive. Every time I would turn a corner it would fall into me risking an accident. I used my right elbow to hold it up. Man, my biceps hurt by the time we pulled into the driveway. Shawn grabbed his keys and headed off for a long work weekend. Hopefully we'll see him tomorrow night sometime as he is on call here tomorrow. I now feel like Presley is just another part of the crew. It helps that she is sleeping better so I'm functioning at a more normal level. I'm sure glad we all figured this out because I'll be going solo for another 8 months. Then this phase of the journey will end and hopefully we'll see more of the man I love.

Laughter...

A friend from High School just found me on Facebook. She posted on my wall and asked me if I still laughed as much as I used to. She said she could almost still hear me laughing. Wow. I had to think for a minute before I replied. I think I used to laugh a lot more than I do now. I guess my laughter is just different. In High School the only responsibility I had was to myself---make sure I got good grades, make sure I had my college applications in, make sure I was doing everything I needed to do to succeed in life. That was it. Just me. Life is different now. I have a lot of people counting on me for food, comfort, and everything else to help them succeed in life. Laughter just isn't an all day, every day event anymore. Every once in awhile when I go out with the girls that laughter just swells up inside me and I can't contain it. Like when I was in New York with my Mom and Katelyn. I was laughing so hard at one point I literally almost peed my pants. I still have my "2 o'clock in the morning" laugh that too many people have witnessed. It's uncontrollable. It happened to show itself one time around Kennedy and she was afraid I'd lost it. She almost seemed scared as she watched the tears stream down my face because of it. After I was able to catch my breath between laughing outbursts I assured her all would be fine. My laughter has definitely changed. I used to think shows where kids make ginormous messes were funny. Like the scene in Cheaper By The Dozen when the frog gets loose at the kitchen table. I don't laugh at those things anymore. I live those things. Trust me, they aren't funny in the moment. I do laugh at my kids though. Like when Landon always says "actually". What 2 year old says "actually" in the right context? My kids are always saying something worth a good chuckle. But the good, hard, belly laughs aren't as frequent as they were in high school. They still show up every now and again, but I don't think that people that know me now will remember me for my laughter. I'm okay with that. But, I do want to laugh more. So, thanks Cindy for the reminder of how much I used to laugh. Laughter is one thing everyone could use a little more of. Especially me.

The Other Mother...

Kennedy is so fun with the little boys when she wants to be. Last Sunday morning she came and asked if her and the boys could have a tea party. You want to entertain the boys? Who am I to say no. I heard a lot of commotion and when I went into the dining area to see what they were
doing, this is what I found:

She had cut up string cheese, hot dogs, and Doritos and placed them all in serving bowls. For dessert they had marshmallows and yogurt. I went back in my room to feed Presley. I heard them doing the dishes. Then Kennedy said, "It's arts and crafts time." I documented this occasion with a picture.

Awesome. Then yesterday after school her and Jack came into my room with a notepad saying they were solving a mystery. They were both wearing detective badges. They had this scenario all worked out about a car found in a lake and they were gathering clues to solve the mystery. I later told Kennedy how much Jack idolized her and how he lights up when she lets him play her games. Who needs me when you have a Kennedy in your life?

Baby Love...

I don't think I've ever seen little boys that love their little sister as much as Jack and Landon love Presley. Sometimes it's adorable to me. Other times it's a little much. Landon won't keep his hands off of her. He's always saying "Can I touch her?" and regardless of my response he rubs her head and kisses her forehead. The other day Presley was crying and I heard Landon saying to her "Landon's here, don't worry, Landon's here". (That's probably why she was crying.) When I entered the room he started to say "Now Momma's here. Now Momma's here Presley. Don't worry". He says everything in a sing-songy voice that is typically used with babies. He's a natural. Jack is the one that has surprised me the most. He is ULTRA gentle with her. He'll be on one end of the house karate chopping anything in his vicinity, then run over and as soft as can be lay next to Presley and stroke her cheek. Amazing the change that overcomes him when he's near her. If you ever want to come see Presley, this is probably what you will get with her:

a-MAZE-ing Fun....

A few weeks ago the hospital sponsored a family night for residents at a nearby pumpkin patch. There was a huge corn maze that was enticing to my older kids. It was nearly dusk when we entered. If it weren't for the other families we were with, we'd still be in there today. Shawn was actually able to attend this event with us, miracle of all miracles. I had to take pictures to document his attendance. The kids ran around, while Presley stayed snuggled up in her cozy stroller. We ended the night with a hayride. Perfect evening with the fun little family we've created.

A Letter....

Dear Body,

I realize the last year has been hard on you. For 4 months everything I put in you I purged out. I know you suffered dehydration. I understand you must have felt un-used when I quit exercising you regularly. Or at all. The next 3 months I wasn't too hard on you. Though, I did fill you with various sugary substances. Mostly containing chocolate. The next 3 months I did nothing but stretch you to proportions you had no idea you were capable of expanding too. I moved you around like you were a slug, and made you carry quite the heavy load in your belly region. Then I put you through excruciating pain for a few hours and completely exhausted every ounce of energy you allowed. I guess I understand why you feel like failing me at this point in our relationship. For the past few weeks I've tried really hard to only fill you with food that would benefit you. I'm trying my best to exercise you. I know you aren't resting like you should, but that is beyond my control. So, now that I've somewhat apologized, would you be willing to let go of this weight that you seem to want to hold on to? I would be able to run you faster and farther if you would drop some of this poundage. I'm willing to overlook the saggy skin if you would let me fit into my pants once again. Could you do this soon? I'm doing my best not to criticize and hate you for what you look like today, simply because of what I've put you through. But it's hard. Especially the clothing issue. Really hard. Let's work together now. Okay?

Sincerely,
Me (the one that has to be contained inside of you)

FYI...

Just a little FYI. If your new baby gets a goopy eye, and you pick at it with your fingernails, you are likely to get the goopy eye yourself. And it actually hurts. And really accentuates the bags you already have from lack of sleep. Lovely.

Outed...

Today we were sitting on the sidelines of the High School Homecoming parade. Jack and I marched in the parade with his preschool but finished early so we joined the rest of the family. Near the end of the parade a boy was walking alongside a float and pointed at Kennedy with a huge smile on his face. "Hey, that is Alek's girlfriend!" Shawn and I bust up laughing because she was outed. She turned around to face us and said, "I don't like him! He is in love with me but I really don't like him." Sure Kennedy. You were outed by the boy next to the float.

Easy #5....

I keep telling people that baby #5 has been the easiest to add to our family. It's true. Only, I don't think people hear what I really mean when I say that. It doesn't mean that life is easy. It doesn't mean that my sleep hasn't been completely interrupted, or that my schedule is smooth as silk. It doesn't mean that I can up and go whenever I please without having to contend with a person that likes to frequently eat and then conveniently poop as I'm walking out the door already late to an appointment. What it does mean is that my other children have taken to this baby with ease and had very little outbursts because of this addition. It seems like adding every other child into our family has come with various forms of acting out to get attention. A lot of acting out. This time everyone seems to be fine. Landon does like to be with me a little more than he used to. And Jack sometimes talks baby talk to see my reaction. But those are minor. So, when I say #5 has been a breeze to bring into our family unit, you all now understand the context in which I say it.

Cry Me A River....

With every baby I birth comes one day that I am hormone-charged, sleep deprived, and all I do is cry. I cry about everything, anything, and nothing. All day long. This usually happens after 2 weeks when my Mom is still in town. This time I didn't have that day. I even mentioned it to my Mom how unusual it was. That day came. Today. It was lurking behind two more weeks of sleep deprivation. I woke up crying. My poor kids thought I'd blown a gasket. I cried because we were going to be late for the homecoming parade. I cried because we made it to the parade on time. I cried non-stop all day long. The worst was when I burst into tears as I walked into my friends living room to pick up Jack from her sons birthday party. These tears were compounded by the fact that Shawn was working today when I thought he'd be home. My poor friend took pity on me and invited all 4 of my kids over for pizza and to play for a few hours. My other friend brought me dinner and offered to take Presley for the night. (I couldn't part with the babe!) I must have seemed pretty pathetic. Thanks girls. I got some much needed sleep and a good dinner in my belly (that still seems to want to continue to look pregnant). The crying has finally subsided. I can now speak a coherent sentence without choking up. Now my eyes are burning from all the sobbing, and my lips are extremely dry due to losing all that moisture. Nothing a little sleep and carmex can't fix. Tomorrow is a new day. I'm sure my kids are hoping that it won't be a repeat of today. It won't. The "cry it out" day only happens once. Weird. I should have known I wouldn't be able to bypass it this time.

Stupid Lady....

This lady called today. Again. And again. And then again tonight. And again. And again. She is a recruiter for a small town hospital that needs a doctor to cover a 24 hour ER shift this weekend. Shawns only weekend free until December. His only weekend home with us. I said no. No, no, no. Then I threw this huge number out saying he could do it only if she'd pay it. I knew she wouldn't. Only she said she would. Now he's working that stupid shift for that stupid lady. Stupid me for even throwing that number out there and for thinking she wouldn't pay it. And then for pretending it's okay when she did. Sometimes I don't think making a huge sum of money is worth what it costs to make it.