Little toes, Funny nose.....

I had my big ultrasound today. I was really going to wait until Shawn was home in May, but patience sometimes isn't my virtue. I was apprehensive going in. I don't know if it's because the older I get the more aware I am of all that can possibly go wrong, or if it was simply because I was hoping for one gender over another and didn't want to be disappointed. This morning I was telling the kids as they were getting ready for school that today was the day they'd find out what their sibling would be. I was telling them that if the baby is asleep with it's legs crossed we wouldn't be able to find out. I jokingly mentioned that sugar often keeps the baby awake and moving. Kennedy immediately pulled the grape juice out of the fridge and poured me a big glass. "Drink this Mom. We want this baby awake." Funny girl. She really was expecting a sister. All the boys were hoping for a sister. During the ultrasound the baby was moving all over, and we got one in-between-the-legs-shot and nothing was visible. Verdict is, pink is our new favorite color. The ultrasound technician is pretty sure it's female, and because my boys were so obviously boys, I'm going with my gut that this is no doubt the pink baby we all dreamed of.
This is her side profile. It's kind of a funny angle making her forehead look back far and her nose protruding funny. My babies usually come out with gigantic noses that they eventually grow into, but they are more flat usually.

Here are her dancing legs. They look pretty long and skinny in this shot. She isn't pointing her toes, so maybe my dreams of a dancer should be lost before they even start. I love little baby feet. Granted, my kids usually come out with feet the size of most 4 months olds, but they are still so precious. Strangely enough this babies head measured small. Hmmmm. Not your typical Crook child. Kennedy's head was smaller than the boys, so we are hoping for a Kennedy-like girl, not a Jackson-like one. Jack was (and still is) the perfect boy, but as a girl he would have seemed odd. Now that I know we can pink out the girls room we just have to decide on a name........

A Little GQ.....

Free-wheelin'....

Kennedy is now upright on two wheels. Did it in one day all by herself. I guess when you are old enough it doesn't take a whole lot of parental effort.

Learning Curve....

Becoming a mother has a definite learning curve. At least for me. Some women are natural mothers. The day they bring home their first child for the very first time they are madly deeply in love. They "ooh" and "aah" over every spit bubble and poopy diaper. This was not the case with me. After being home 3 days with Ethan, living on little to no sleep, I was ready to throw in the towel. I had quit my job teaching 5th graders so I could stay home and be a mom. My 5th graders loved me, and told me on a daily basis. I was used to being applauded for a job well done. When I bathed Ethan he peed on me. After I gave him a satisfying meal, he'd poop it all back out and cry because he had a gas bubble. I just didn't feel like I was being rewarded for a job well done. Needless to say, I had to learn to love being a mother. I started to get into the groove and found myself pregnant with another child. Ethan was almost 1 and really wanting to be entertained all the time. It was a whole new phase that I had to get used to and learn to love. I was exhausted. I felt spent and overwhelmed. I felt like life was leaving and I was being drug in the mud behind it. Hard times. I wouldn't trade them though. It takes times like those to appreciate what you've got. I've worked hard at becoming the mother I am today. And today I had one of those "a-ha" moments. It was because of this bowling game:

We inherited this game from the nursery annual-clean-out-the-closet when Ethan was about Landon's age. After 2 days of putting up these pins and cheering on Ethan as he knocked them down, I hid them in a closet. Being the entertainment committee was wearing me out. I don't know why I didn't discard them in the dumpster. But I didn't. Landon found these the other day. When I first saw them lying on the floor in the basement I kind of cringed at the memory. I stepped over them and pretended I didn't see them. My way of coping. This afternoon while I was unloading the drier and loading the washer I heard a big crash. I ran into the dining room to see Landon with a big grin. "I bowled the pins over!" I laughed. Then I watched as he gathered them all back up into his arms and stood them on end for another round. He is the same age as Ethan was when I played constant companion. Only Landon didn't need me to stand them up, and he took care of the applause himself as he knocked them over. I realized as I watched him that my life has changed drastically since I first became a mom. People always ask how I do it with 4 kids and one on the way. This is how. Kids grow up. They start to do things for themselves. Even when you have a toddler, he watches the older kids and figures out how to do things on his own. They become each others entertainment committee. I find myself often times being referee, but a lot of the times I get to sit on the sidelines and silently cheer on their budding friendships. I smile a lot more than I did back then. I actually laugh with and at my kids. They are pretty funny. And they are fun to talk to. Their perspectives are always so fresh. Their words so comical and sincere at the same time. As Kennedy loaded her backpack this morning for school Jack squatted down next to her and ever so quietly said "I love you Kenna." In response "I love you too Jack". If I went back to the beginning and gave up all the trials of being a new mother then I don't think I would have appreciated that small conversation as much as I did. Don't get me wrong, I still have my pull-out-my-hair-days when all I want to do is lock myself in a closet to get away from them all. It's becoming more of a mental game now that they are older. But I'm mostly happy. Here I sit with a swollen belly that contains #5. I'm not afraid of not loving this child. I'm not even afraid of being peed on, and not feeling rewarded for what I'm doing. I'm excited for the freshness a newborn brings. I'm excited for late-night feedings in the lazy boy when it's just me and the babe alone in the dark. I now know that the really hard exhausting part moves quickly. I think I've finally reached a high point in this learning curve.

Lovely....

Shawn is out on a bike ride with the kids. Ethan needed an upgrade on his bike since he got his original at the age of 3. We kind of buy them big knowing they will use them for awhile. He found one he loved and we made the purchase this afternoon. Shawn and him agonized over 2 for an hour. Anyone that knows Shawn understands that he is very particular when it comes to quality of an object. Bike shopping is no different for him. I was very proud of him when he allowed Ethan to actually purchase the one he really wanted. Shawn did his darnedest to convince him he wanted the one deemed better quality, but in the end he let Ethan make the decision himself. When we got home Shawn said, "Man, these kids have some serious willpower. I'm exhausted. Are they going to bed soon?" I bust out in hysterical laughter. First of all, it was 4 o'clock when he said this. He hasn't even been around them for 12 hours yet and he's exhausted. While I was laughing he started bowing down to me and my ability to have done this 24/7 by myself for the past 3 weeks, and will continue to do so for the next 5. I have to say it is nice to know that he realizes how hard it is to be a parent and that I definitely don't have the easier of our jobs. It makes me love him more for his sincere appreciation. I just hope by the time he leaves tomorrow night he hasn't signed them all up for boarding school in Switzerland.....

Shakey, shakey....

I've been waking up a lot in the middle of the night and am usually up for 2 hours before I can get back to sleep. Lame. Pregnancy always does this to me. Robs me of the precious hours I get to myself before there is actually a baby in the room waking me. Last night was no different. At 4 am I had to go to the bathroom, and blow my nose, and then tuned into the latest Access Hollywood. There really isn't a great selection in the wee hours. At 4:40 or so my bed started moving. Panic set in. My first thought was earthquake, but then I remembered I lived in tornado alley not earthquake zone. Then I started to imagine a man sneaking into my house and hiding under my bed. I imagined that he must have fallen asleep and when he woke up he startled himself and hit his head on the underside of my sleeping place causing it to shake for approximately 5 seconds. I was a little scared. Then it stopped. I kept laying there not knowing what to do. I eventually convinced myself I had imagined the entire thing and went back to Hollywood's latest happenings. When I heard this morning that there actually was an earthquake in a neighboring state and we might have felt the effects, I was glad I didn't call 911 in fear of the none-existent man. If anything for the fact that the police sirens would have probably woken the children and then I would have been tired along with trying to deal with 4 tired kids. I've decided it's not about safety with me. It's all about keeping my kids asleep.

Homesickness....

Shawn is coming home this weekend. Yes. I'm happy to have him grace my presence. So are the kids. What makes me smile the most? The fact that I feel like he is more homesick for me than I for him. I guess I just assumed that living as a bachelor for 3 weeks might make him feel so free that the thought of entertaining 4 kids and listening to a nagging pregnant wife might seem completely unappealing. I'm thrilled to say this isn't the case. I've been getting phone calls more frequent as of late. Like 8 am before the next case starts. I've also received 8 emails and one text message. This all occurred before 10:30 this morning. Nice. I love that he loves me. I love that he's excited to see me and to be near me again. Even if it is only for 2 days. I'll take what I can get.

April Showers Bring Giant Puddles...

Conference weekend was a long one at our house. I love to listen to the sessions and soak up what is being taught. However, I don't enjoy being trapped in a house with 4 restless kids that have cabin fever. I was desperate enough by 4 o'clock that I started bathing children and putting on pj's just to kill some time. At 5 we were graced by the presence of Natalie and her two kids, all of whom my kids adore. By 6 my older kids noticed the rain had abated and the sun was trying to peek through the clouds. We try not to venture out into the neighborhood on Sundays, but I was losing my cool and relented to a few minutes of outside play before bedtime. In my excitement for the break in routine I failed to notice the gigantic puddles filling the streets after the previous downpour. I also neglected the fact that two of my kids were completely ready for bed. Puddles were found, mud sprayed everywhere from bicycle tires, kids were soaked, and I loved every minute of it. Landon taught Max & Jonnie the finer points of puddle stomping and they too were drenched. What a great end to a weekend.

Quirks of Television....

Let's be honest here. Landon watches a lot of Dora the Explorer. I knew he loved the show, but until recently didn't realize how much he internalized what he saw. I figured at the age of 2 he might be comprehending some, but not all of what he's viewing. How could I have been so naive. He not only understands what he sees, he is beginning to turn real life into an exploring adventure. For instance, snack time. He was eating strawberries. He had 3 left and turned them all top side up like this:

I only noticed because as he did this he was saying, "We are going to strawberry mountain!" in the same sing-songy voice Dora uses as she heads out on her adventures. Nice. Later that day he was playing play-doh with Jack and made this:

I asked him what he was building and he told me it was his "Big Blue Forest". Another Dora adventure. I think these adventures are great, as long as he doesn't find a real monkey wearing boots to tag along with him...

Conversation....

In the car on the way to school this morning because we missed the bus.

Kennedy: Mom, turn it up! I love this song!
Me: What is it?
Kennedy: "Tattoo", by Jordan Sparks. Louder please!
Me: How the heck do you know that?
Ethan: He sings on Disney tunes.
Kennedy: Uh, Ethan? Jordan is a GIRL.
Ethan: Who cares.
Kennedy: Will you turn it up a little bit louder?

Reality Check....

I think I might need to curb my television viewing as I dose off to sleep at night. Ryan Sheckler narrated my dream last night. Before every event occurred I heard him voice his innermost thoughts. I did, however, become one of the finalists on the biggest loser. Pregnant and everything. I managed to somehow avoid any meal plan or exercise regime and be one of the 4 finalists. Kelly, one of the other finalists, announced her pregnancy while we were stretching. She is due in 13 days. Her pregnancy caused a lot of commotion. Producers, trainers, and anyone else involved was panicked with the thought of a law suit should any complications arise due to her vigorous exercise routine the last 5 months. I was just ticked that she didn't even look pregnant and I'm due 5 months after her. Good thing I managed to avoid the hubbub surrounding her. Last night wasn't so bad, being a finalist and all. It was the night before when the Bachelor chose not to hand me the rose that devastated me. Who would've thought he wasn't into pregnant married women with 4 kids? Was I not pretty enough? Funny enough? Was 5 children and an extra husband not in his life plan? I actually woke myself up crying. I apparently was more attached to this man-without-a-face than I thought. I'm not about to analyze these dreams like a psychologist would, though it would be easy to see I'm insecure about my size and I feel like my husband isn't around enough. Maybe I should continue to watch right before sleep. These dreams are actually kind of entertaining. If I'm not the one getting sent home early.

A Day Worth Noting....

Yesterday was my birthday. Wahoo for me. It actually had the potential for disaster due to my husbands absence and the unpredictability of my children's behavior. However, the day turned out amazingly wonderful. In the morning one of my good friends (I'll call her Mrs. Doctor for privacy reasons) took Jack and Landon into her home and left me to the stillness of my own thoughts for a few hours. Moms sure do know what other Moms would like for their birthdays. It was blissful alone time. At 10:30 the doorbell rang. I was greeted by a woman holding these:
I'm almost embarrassed to say that I really didn't know who they could be from. I had a few guesses, none of which were Shawn. It actually didn't cross my mind that he would have sent them (sorry babe). When I opened the card and they were indeed from him, I cried. Gifts completely unexpected like this from him really touch me. I was just arranging them as my centerpiece when Alana showed up with a card and some cherry Hershey kisses. (No picture due to the speed in which the said kisses were inhaled.) I took a short nap due to the excess of chocolate in my system, then went to pick up the kids to take them to preschool. I was greeted at the door by a loud "surprise!" and this:

Each of the boys and their girlfriends had made me a card, and they all helped with the delicious chocolate cupcakes. Jack has said they are the best he's ever tasted. I think I would have to agree. After the preschool drop off it was lunchtime. I figured Lunch = Ruby Tuesday curbside to go. After all, it's my special day.

Kids came home from school after I dozed on the couch with Blue's Clues and Dora in the background. Then, Lisa showed up with this delectable creation:

Too bad you can't taste pictures. This baby is one that Lisa is famous for and I happen to be the lucky recipient. And I mean lucky. After playing outside for awhile the kids were hungry so we headed to Burger King for dinner. Not really my idea of birthday dining, but 30 minutes of playtime for the kids and them actually eating what was put in front of them was worth it. Not to mention the fact that I had no need to clean up after. Perfect. When we returned home I put Landon to bed early and then the older 3 banished me to my room for 45 minutes while they planned something themselves. When they were ready they held my hand and took me to the basement where my eyes were pointed in the direction of these taped to the walls:

They couldn't find real balloons so paper had to do. Adorable. They were so proud of themselves, and I was proud of them too. Off to bed, and Jack's present to me was he only came out once to complain about something. Best gift ever son. Thanks. The night turned out not to be over quite yet. Two of my most favorite people in the world showed up bringing this:

Katherine happens to be a very creative and amazing chef, and Natalie is a great supporter of this quality. It was a white cake with layers of homemade strawberry ice cream covered in white chocolate ganache and fresh strawberries. Yum. They were both great company and we indulged in dessert while also indulging in a secret love of MTV's "The Hills". I know, high school show. You need to have at least one vice or what fun is life, right? After all the love shown me with food, I'm grateful for the pregnancy factor. What's an extra 5,000 calories when you have a watermelon for a stomach? Thanks everyone for celebrating with me on my day. You definitely made it a notable one.

Daddy Time...

Way back last September Shawn had arranged some moonlighting time for both April and May, not anticipating his absence from home. Friday afternoon he made the trek from Southwest, up to just 30 minutes Southwest of here. He was moonlighting in a tiny community with a very small hospital. The kids and I decided we wanted to catch a glimpse of him, so Saturday afternoon we drove down and met him at the hospital. He was finishing up with his last two patients when we arrived, and he had zero calls while we were in town. Bliss. We went to a local park, then headed to a place the locals call "The Sugar Shack". Small town ice cream cones. Turns out Landon loves ice cream. It was super windy, hence Shawn's sexy hair-do. Gotta love what the wind can do to some coiffed locks.

After 3 hours of spending time with the love of my life we bid him farewell. We headed home and he headed to get some much needed sleep. It sure was good to see him, even if it was only for a short time.

Landon's Girl....

Landon has a girlfriend. Funny thing is, she is the younger sister of the girl Jack can't get enough of. I love to have these two girls over to play because then both my boys are occupied with fun. Last week we had them both over and the little ones pretty much just followed the older two around. Yesterday when they were over, however, the little two did their own thing. It was fun to watch 2 year olds interacting in their own little games. I have to say that my boys have pretty good taste when it comes to their ladies.

After we took the older kids to preschool, these two laid on the end of my bed eating cadbury eggs and watched their favorite show Blue's Clues. Could it get any better than that?

1st Grade Program....

Kennedy had her school program last week. This music teacher always does a phenomenol job of entertaining the parents with her songs and story line. The kids were all dressed up as farmers in this one called "the cheese stands alone". Kennedy didn't have a major role, but she sure does know how to swing those shoulders as she sways! What a cute little cowgirl I've got.

Negative Effects.....

I figured the kids wouldn't really notice Shawn's absence. Sad, but true. They are used to coming to me for just about everything. Sometimes they go a few days without seeing him, and other times he's home just in time for family prayer and a quick kiss goodnight. I was actually wrong in my thinking. This morning Kennedy handed me a flyer for the "annual daddy/daughter dance" the community holds. Tears were streaming down her face and she was actually choking back sobs with the realization that Shawn wouldn't be around to take her. Heartbreaking. I consoled her by letting her know that when her dad was back in town they could get dressed up and go to a fancy dinner. She at least seemed okay by that. Jack has also been acting out more than normal. I've caught him saying mean things to kids, and that really isn't Jack. Not unless he's really provoked. I think we are all feeling the effects in our own way. I keep telling myself that all is well and I'm fine. However, I think I'm lonely. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of adult conversations throughout the day. Some are quite entertaining (Natalie, thanks for the comic relief last night). But, they aren't Shawn. I'm so grateful that I have a husband that is truly my best friend and that I really like him. I think there are some people out there that don't really enjoy their spouses when they are around. Sad. In an ideal world Shawn and I would be able to stay home together everyday doing whatever the heck we wanted. Someone else would just send us money to live on so we could spend our days lounging together without the financial burden. Dream on lady. I know this will never be reality, but that is how much I really enjoy his company. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to be married to Shawn. I just wish his job allowed him to be home more often where he belongs. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder.........I just don't know how much fonder my heart can take.

Kite Flyin' Fun....

For Easter the kids each received a kite in their basket. I figured they wouldn't make it out of the package until May, but a few days in March surprised us and the wind speed and temperature rallied together to make the perfect kite flying day. I loved watching this year since Ethan and Kennedy are both able to do it by themselves. In the past it's been them watching me do the actual flying. It was a nice change. Jack and Landon busied themselves with other outside activities claiming their kites were "broken" because they weren't flying like they were supposed to. Fine by me.