Gifted....

Every Christmas since we've had kids, Shawn and I have always struck the same deal. No gifts for each other, let's just use the money on the kids. Only I always get him something and assume he'll do the same. On Christmas morning after he opens his gift from me he kind of looks at me with confused eyes and says "I didn't get you anything because we agreed." Then I'm secretly angry because he was supposed to get me something anyway. That's just the game I play. For the last two years I've introduced the idea of stuffing each others stockings. This is also my way of actually making him get me a gift so Christmas won't consist of me feeling neglected. I thoughtfully fill his stocking with all kinds of goodies---gift cards, candy, etc. Last year I got vanilla tootsie rolls and pistachios in my stocking. Those are two of my most favorite things. But, I guess I wanted more. I admit, when it comes to Christmas I can be pretty selfish. I am grateful for everything I'm given, but expect a lot out of Shawn. I really can't explain that. If my parents got me nothing I'd be fine (ignore that Mom), but not Shawn. The poor guy just can't win. He tries. He really does. So this year I straight up told him I wanted Uggs. He told me to order them. I mentioned that I wanted them for Christmas, so he needed to secretly get them for me. His response? "I don't know what style, size, or color." I retorted "Classic short, chocolate brown, size 10". He didn't respond to that. I know he didn't respond because he is already overwhelmed with life and ordering a simple pair of boots completely sends his blood pressure through the roof. Trying to be understanding, I went and ordered them myself. That very day. A few days later he wandered into the kitchen while I was cleaning up dinner and said, "Jayne, I'm going to get you Uggs for Christmas. So, could you write down all the stuff you already told me once so I can actually order them?" I smiled. "Already ordered them for myself". You'd think he might be a little put off. Nope. I have never seen a better representation for what relief would look like than I did at that moment. It's not the giving Shawn has trouble with. The man is generous. Often times more generous than he needs to be. He has trouble with the whole "giving because it's expected" thing. He wants to give gifts to people because they mean something to him, not because he has to. Valentine's day is his arch nemesis. I often get roses in June or some random month because he feels they have more meaning. I've been trying so hard all these years to make him conform to society and love giving when it is expected. I would love Uggs in June, but I really wanted them this winter. So, I've decided rather than playing these silly Christmas games with such an adorable man, I'll just order what I want myself. I'm happy, he's happy. My Uggs showed up today.Even though it isn't Christmas yet, they will be worn well. I'm foregoing the whole wrapping thing since it isn't a surprise. Besides, my feet are cold now. When you see me around town sporting my new boots, just know that there will be no hard feelings come Christmas morning. Merry Christmas sweetheart. You did well this year.