Trudging.....

I tanked. I finished, but I tanked. And I'm pretty irritated about it. Running is such a mental game. Sure. It requires physical training. And I am physically in shape enough to run long distances without any problems. I've proven that time and time again while training for this half-marathon. But mentally. I'm a creature of habit. And I made it known to my running crew that I wasn't wearing, doing, eating, or trying anything different the day of the race. It would tax me too strongly mentally. 5 minutes before the race was to start I decided to hook up my ipod and get my running tunes ready. Only. My headphones were blaring nothing but what sounded like running water. Great. Beth's husband happened to be nearby and had a cell phone. I called Shawn and told him to have Kennedy meet me in our backyard with a new set of headphones. We would be passing that exact location at mile 2, and mile 6. Problem solved. The emcee of the race began introducing himself, so I found my group and we got in line. I turned on my garmin at this point so it could be locating satellites while he spoke. Only. He was too brief. After 10 seconds he shot the starting gun. I was still in a scramble trying to get my watch working. Throughout my training sessions I have my garmin set so the top tells me the time I've been running, the bottom left tells me my current pace, and the bottom right tells me my distance. My watch was somehow set to tell me distance and time, but no pace. And I couldn't finagle with it and run at the same time. Mental roadblock. It consumed me. I felt like we started off too fast. But I couldn't mentally back it up with my watch. We hit mile 2 and Kennedy passed me her headphones. Sweet blessing. It was fun to see my family cheering from our backyard.

This course was crazy. We ran past my house at mile 2, down a long road, and then turned around and ran back past my house at mile 6. I "gu"ed at the top of the ginormous hill because I saw Ethan holding a water bottle out for me to drink from. After 1 more mile I couldn't keep up the pace. My mental state was starting to beat out my physical state. So. It was mile 7 that I strayed from the group. The kept turning around to cheer me on, and I kept encouraging them to go forward. I didn't want to be the one to hold anyone back. For the last 6.1 miles it was me, my ipod, and those blasted hills. Whomever made the course obviously was looking at a terrain map. They chose the largest hills in all of the city and worked them in. The last turn before the finish line was even uphill. Ridiculous. But. I finished.

My little running group staggered their finish times. The 1st one of us through was only about 15 minutes ahead of me. The really irritating part? 2 weeks previous we all ran 13 miles. We did it 10 minutes faster than my race time. And. We enjoyed ourselves. This course diminished the love I had of the grand finish.

I think I'm holding back tears. It frustrated me to no end that I let my tiny mental roadblocks determine how I would run.

But I'm still glad I did it. I need to remember that not everyone will run 13.1 miles in one time frame.

My peeps: Michelle, Me, Sarah. Front---Julie and Beth. These girls make running truly enjoyable to me.

Julie is my 4:30 am wake up call. I actually miss the early morning runs. Not the actual getting out of bed that early. But the refreshing way to start my day.

Cassie is wearing the pink hat. She didn't train this year for the race, but she was the actual reason I ran. When I met her clear back in April she mentioned it to me. I pondered it. But figured it would never really happen. The day I was to run 10 miles she ran 6 of it with me. She carried water, gu, and kept me feeling like I was truly capable of this accomplishment. If it weren't for her I wouldn't have raced. And I wouldn't have become acquainted with the group of girls I run with. Thanks Cassie.

And thanks WOW girls. What a great group.

Christine made me this ginormous button to wear to church the following day. And I did. We figured sweatbands might be a tad bit inappropriate.

My little cheering crew. Shawn dragged them all out bed to meet me at the finish. Thanks babe.

I'm sad that this little race put a sour taste in my mouth. Honestly? I'm not really that proud of myself. Yes. I finished. But not like I'd hoped. And I'm not talking about my time either. It was never about the time. I want my mental self to finish strong. I'm going to keep doing this until I get it right.