Cry Me A River......

I feel like garbage. I actually would venture to say that I hate my life in it's current state. I lay in bed all day long trying to muster the energy to do something that needs to be done. Like shower. Or feed a small child. It's hard. Sometimes I just cry because I don't think I can do it anymore. I miss trying to talk myself out of eating delectable food due to caloric intake. I just miss eating. Period. I've been watching a lot of tv. Sometimes I only listen because it's more comfortable to sleep on my side then on my back facing the television. Often a conversation between talk show co-hosts spins my mind into it's own thought process. Yesterday was one of those "ah-ha" moments for me. I was listening to someone going on about their life trials and started to really pity my own current state. Then a small thought popped into my head that actually made me grateful. Cancer. For some reason I started thinking about this heartbreaking disease and the options for curing it. Chemotherapy. Radiation. All of which have horrible side effects like nauseau, vomiting, loss of appetite. Chemo can go on for a year. After Chemo there is no cuddly newborn to show for all your countless hours of misery. You get to live. If you are lucky. This miserable state I'm in will be over in 7 weeks, and then I'll get to gain all that glorious weight by eating myself into oblivion. Then in September I'll get to hold a beautiful bundle of joy in my arms and all this sickness will be forgotten. (Not enough to do it again) Point being, my life in it's current state is awful and hardly blog-worthy. But, it could be worse. Much worse. I'm grateful for what I've got.