Learning Curve....

Becoming a mother has a definite learning curve. At least for me. Some women are natural mothers. The day they bring home their first child for the very first time they are madly deeply in love. They "ooh" and "aah" over every spit bubble and poopy diaper. This was not the case with me. After being home 3 days with Ethan, living on little to no sleep, I was ready to throw in the towel. I had quit my job teaching 5th graders so I could stay home and be a mom. My 5th graders loved me, and told me on a daily basis. I was used to being applauded for a job well done. When I bathed Ethan he peed on me. After I gave him a satisfying meal, he'd poop it all back out and cry because he had a gas bubble. I just didn't feel like I was being rewarded for a job well done. Needless to say, I had to learn to love being a mother. I started to get into the groove and found myself pregnant with another child. Ethan was almost 1 and really wanting to be entertained all the time. It was a whole new phase that I had to get used to and learn to love. I was exhausted. I felt spent and overwhelmed. I felt like life was leaving and I was being drug in the mud behind it. Hard times. I wouldn't trade them though. It takes times like those to appreciate what you've got. I've worked hard at becoming the mother I am today. And today I had one of those "a-ha" moments. It was because of this bowling game:

We inherited this game from the nursery annual-clean-out-the-closet when Ethan was about Landon's age. After 2 days of putting up these pins and cheering on Ethan as he knocked them down, I hid them in a closet. Being the entertainment committee was wearing me out. I don't know why I didn't discard them in the dumpster. But I didn't. Landon found these the other day. When I first saw them lying on the floor in the basement I kind of cringed at the memory. I stepped over them and pretended I didn't see them. My way of coping. This afternoon while I was unloading the drier and loading the washer I heard a big crash. I ran into the dining room to see Landon with a big grin. "I bowled the pins over!" I laughed. Then I watched as he gathered them all back up into his arms and stood them on end for another round. He is the same age as Ethan was when I played constant companion. Only Landon didn't need me to stand them up, and he took care of the applause himself as he knocked them over. I realized as I watched him that my life has changed drastically since I first became a mom. People always ask how I do it with 4 kids and one on the way. This is how. Kids grow up. They start to do things for themselves. Even when you have a toddler, he watches the older kids and figures out how to do things on his own. They become each others entertainment committee. I find myself often times being referee, but a lot of the times I get to sit on the sidelines and silently cheer on their budding friendships. I smile a lot more than I did back then. I actually laugh with and at my kids. They are pretty funny. And they are fun to talk to. Their perspectives are always so fresh. Their words so comical and sincere at the same time. As Kennedy loaded her backpack this morning for school Jack squatted down next to her and ever so quietly said "I love you Kenna." In response "I love you too Jack". If I went back to the beginning and gave up all the trials of being a new mother then I don't think I would have appreciated that small conversation as much as I did. Don't get me wrong, I still have my pull-out-my-hair-days when all I want to do is lock myself in a closet to get away from them all. It's becoming more of a mental game now that they are older. But I'm mostly happy. Here I sit with a swollen belly that contains #5. I'm not afraid of not loving this child. I'm not even afraid of being peed on, and not feeling rewarded for what I'm doing. I'm excited for the freshness a newborn brings. I'm excited for late-night feedings in the lazy boy when it's just me and the babe alone in the dark. I now know that the really hard exhausting part moves quickly. I think I've finally reached a high point in this learning curve.

Lovely....

Shawn is out on a bike ride with the kids. Ethan needed an upgrade on his bike since he got his original at the age of 3. We kind of buy them big knowing they will use them for awhile. He found one he loved and we made the purchase this afternoon. Shawn and him agonized over 2 for an hour. Anyone that knows Shawn understands that he is very particular when it comes to quality of an object. Bike shopping is no different for him. I was very proud of him when he allowed Ethan to actually purchase the one he really wanted. Shawn did his darnedest to convince him he wanted the one deemed better quality, but in the end he let Ethan make the decision himself. When we got home Shawn said, "Man, these kids have some serious willpower. I'm exhausted. Are they going to bed soon?" I bust out in hysterical laughter. First of all, it was 4 o'clock when he said this. He hasn't even been around them for 12 hours yet and he's exhausted. While I was laughing he started bowing down to me and my ability to have done this 24/7 by myself for the past 3 weeks, and will continue to do so for the next 5. I have to say it is nice to know that he realizes how hard it is to be a parent and that I definitely don't have the easier of our jobs. It makes me love him more for his sincere appreciation. I just hope by the time he leaves tomorrow night he hasn't signed them all up for boarding school in Switzerland.....

Shakey, shakey....

I've been waking up a lot in the middle of the night and am usually up for 2 hours before I can get back to sleep. Lame. Pregnancy always does this to me. Robs me of the precious hours I get to myself before there is actually a baby in the room waking me. Last night was no different. At 4 am I had to go to the bathroom, and blow my nose, and then tuned into the latest Access Hollywood. There really isn't a great selection in the wee hours. At 4:40 or so my bed started moving. Panic set in. My first thought was earthquake, but then I remembered I lived in tornado alley not earthquake zone. Then I started to imagine a man sneaking into my house and hiding under my bed. I imagined that he must have fallen asleep and when he woke up he startled himself and hit his head on the underside of my sleeping place causing it to shake for approximately 5 seconds. I was a little scared. Then it stopped. I kept laying there not knowing what to do. I eventually convinced myself I had imagined the entire thing and went back to Hollywood's latest happenings. When I heard this morning that there actually was an earthquake in a neighboring state and we might have felt the effects, I was glad I didn't call 911 in fear of the none-existent man. If anything for the fact that the police sirens would have probably woken the children and then I would have been tired along with trying to deal with 4 tired kids. I've decided it's not about safety with me. It's all about keeping my kids asleep.

Homesickness....

Shawn is coming home this weekend. Yes. I'm happy to have him grace my presence. So are the kids. What makes me smile the most? The fact that I feel like he is more homesick for me than I for him. I guess I just assumed that living as a bachelor for 3 weeks might make him feel so free that the thought of entertaining 4 kids and listening to a nagging pregnant wife might seem completely unappealing. I'm thrilled to say this isn't the case. I've been getting phone calls more frequent as of late. Like 8 am before the next case starts. I've also received 8 emails and one text message. This all occurred before 10:30 this morning. Nice. I love that he loves me. I love that he's excited to see me and to be near me again. Even if it is only for 2 days. I'll take what I can get.

April Showers Bring Giant Puddles...

Conference weekend was a long one at our house. I love to listen to the sessions and soak up what is being taught. However, I don't enjoy being trapped in a house with 4 restless kids that have cabin fever. I was desperate enough by 4 o'clock that I started bathing children and putting on pj's just to kill some time. At 5 we were graced by the presence of Natalie and her two kids, all of whom my kids adore. By 6 my older kids noticed the rain had abated and the sun was trying to peek through the clouds. We try not to venture out into the neighborhood on Sundays, but I was losing my cool and relented to a few minutes of outside play before bedtime. In my excitement for the break in routine I failed to notice the gigantic puddles filling the streets after the previous downpour. I also neglected the fact that two of my kids were completely ready for bed. Puddles were found, mud sprayed everywhere from bicycle tires, kids were soaked, and I loved every minute of it. Landon taught Max & Jonnie the finer points of puddle stomping and they too were drenched. What a great end to a weekend.

Quirks of Television....

Let's be honest here. Landon watches a lot of Dora the Explorer. I knew he loved the show, but until recently didn't realize how much he internalized what he saw. I figured at the age of 2 he might be comprehending some, but not all of what he's viewing. How could I have been so naive. He not only understands what he sees, he is beginning to turn real life into an exploring adventure. For instance, snack time. He was eating strawberries. He had 3 left and turned them all top side up like this:

I only noticed because as he did this he was saying, "We are going to strawberry mountain!" in the same sing-songy voice Dora uses as she heads out on her adventures. Nice. Later that day he was playing play-doh with Jack and made this:

I asked him what he was building and he told me it was his "Big Blue Forest". Another Dora adventure. I think these adventures are great, as long as he doesn't find a real monkey wearing boots to tag along with him...

Conversation....

In the car on the way to school this morning because we missed the bus.

Kennedy: Mom, turn it up! I love this song!
Me: What is it?
Kennedy: "Tattoo", by Jordan Sparks. Louder please!
Me: How the heck do you know that?
Ethan: He sings on Disney tunes.
Kennedy: Uh, Ethan? Jordan is a GIRL.
Ethan: Who cares.
Kennedy: Will you turn it up a little bit louder?